tessielnelson

Well, I just spent the past hour and a half looking for the perfect book, and I've found one. It's about the "nice girl" syndrome, which I'm pretty sure I have. I've been manipulated and controlled by a lot of family members my whole life, and I'm just pretty sick of it to be honest. It's hard for me to say no and know when to speak up and say, THIS IS NOT OKAY. I just felt like sharing my excitement that I finally found the perfect book! (written by Beverly Engel) I hope it's as good as it sounds, and I really hope it helps me be stronger and happier. I guess we'll see...

I love music. It connects with me in a way that nothing else does. If I'm just about to lose it, have a breakdown, or if I'm just feeling incredibly sad, music "saves" me I guess. Putting on headphones to the perfect song blocks out the rest of the world, and even all of my annoying thoughts. I'm not hearing or thinking about anything except the music. Once I get my "fix", I feel amost like I do after an amazing meditation. I feel happier, calmer, and just more like everything is going to be okay. I don't know how, but music just saves me when I'm about to go insane. It's just what my body needs when I'm about to lose it. I wonder, does anyone else feel the same?

When I think about how lucky I am, I get butterflies. The chance I have to live in such a beautiful place, have a beautiful little apartment, and a happy relationship with my fiance makes me feel so fortunate. Moving to be on my own and making the choice to completely change my life could have been a bad turn, but it has proved to be the best decision I've ever made. The little things that we're blessed to have, and the little things that just seem to work out when we need them to the most, make me really feel like I'm doing the right thing in this life. Even with family telling me I'm doing the wrong thing in life and headed down a wrong path of unhappiness, it's my true feeling of happiness that counts. It's just a wonderful, goose bumpy, butterfly feeling. And it's all I need to know to be proud of myself. I'm just living the way I want and being completely happy about that.
That's all!

I've been keeping a journal in which I write a new, positive thing about myself every day. The goal is to help my confidence grow and become stronger. This first one is from Dec 20, but I just felt like sharing.

I am loving.
The feeling I get when I see someone's genuine smile that was caused by me is almost like a drug. It's eccentric and just makes me feel like I'm doing something right in this world. All the worries that I am worthless disappear for those few brief seconds they're smiling, and I just feel happy. Just plain and simple happy. I think it's important to care for others, but I think more of the importance is to care for yourself. You will never be happy if you can't appreciate, care for, and love yourself 100%. It's something that seems so simple, but it's probably one of the hardest things to do. Just to love yourself, and be fair to yourself. And when appropriate, put your happiness before others. We're all here for ourselves first, so we should continue to be here for ourselves.